i have begged to be your friend over and over
i am almost done, almost tired of begging and almost
to the point where i will not be there next time you try to
come back. i dont deserve the way you treat me. i would
never treat you the way you have treated me for years now.
when were friends, its great, but when you decide
that youre done again, you seem like such a different
person. a monster. someone i dont even know or have
never even met before, yet you and i have been friends for 10 years
you will regret all of this one day but im afraid it will be tooo late
if you dont change your ways, you will be alone and no one will care about
how it must feel to be you because you have made everyone who has
ever cared about you feel the exact same way. i have tried to tell you over and over
and you simply just dont give a shit. i never wanted to feel like i have wasted these past
ten years as much as i do now. it seems as if being your friend was a waste of time.
where could i have been if i just didnt care about you at all?
man i bet i would be in a much better place. you have given me a complex about
myself and made me feel like i was a horrible person time and time again
when will that boyfriend of yours, which you see as an object, wise up
and realize how much better he can do? i can count on one hand the amount of times that
you were there for me when i actually needed you. but when i think of all the times i
dropped everything and ran to your rescue, it makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time...
laugh because it was pathetic of me and cry because i would do it all again.
the worst part of it all is that while i am typing this, if you called i would be there. yet if you were
only sitting alone with nothing at all to do, across the street, and i called, you wouldnt even answer
and if you did, i know you would only laugh in my face. thanks again for being the worst friend one could ask for. and thanks again for the complex. ill most likely be there when you decide to get over yourself and talk to me. but i cant make any promises. i love you as a sister, and a best friend even though youre quite possibly the worst i have ever had. talk to you later...
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Thursday, September 2, 2010
you and you.
i have two friends who are always my on and off friends.
everytime were off, i think its for good. but it never seems to be.
i was friends with the girl first.
we were best friends, we did everything together. we basically lived together because she lives across the street from me so if she wasnt here, i was there. we did everthing. and talked about everything.
we were even saved and baptised on the same day.
and all of a sudden she decided she was "too old to be my friend"
so we quit talking for a while and i hated it
i cried myself to sleep so many nights.
she called me once out of the blue and asked me to go skating with her and a friend
cause we used to live to skate. so i went with them and i thought
we were going to be friends again and we didnt talk after that.
i still remember what i wore, conversations that we had and where we sat in the cafeteria.
we didnt talk for a while after this and then i saw her outside with her boyfriend (who will become the other "you") and i just decided to talk to her. we all three ended up sitting outside for 4 hours talking and
i loved it. we were all of a sudden part of eachothers everyday life again.
we started talking all the time and spending all of our time together. for spring break we all three went
camping and got drunk. haha we fell in a hole while trying to walk to the bathroom.
it was snowing and we were in gatlinburg in a tent. it was so much fun.
we drank a lot and then on valentines day we quit talking again. i missed them like crazy.
i cried all the time and had dreams about them every single night.
exactly a year later she texted me
and said she missed me so we started hanging out again and once again became a part of eachothers everyday life. it was fun. it only lasted for 4 months and the only reason were off again is because someone lied. i miss them, again.
she will always be a part of me though, so will he.
i will always be willing to jump and forget all of the "drama" to be on again.
this time though, im not so sure there will be another on
i miss them but i dont think that i am missed.
i would like to think that i am, but only God knows.
hmm...
everytime were off, i think its for good. but it never seems to be.
i was friends with the girl first.
we were best friends, we did everything together. we basically lived together because she lives across the street from me so if she wasnt here, i was there. we did everthing. and talked about everything.
we were even saved and baptised on the same day.
and all of a sudden she decided she was "too old to be my friend"
so we quit talking for a while and i hated it
i cried myself to sleep so many nights.
she called me once out of the blue and asked me to go skating with her and a friend
cause we used to live to skate. so i went with them and i thought
we were going to be friends again and we didnt talk after that.
i still remember what i wore, conversations that we had and where we sat in the cafeteria.
we didnt talk for a while after this and then i saw her outside with her boyfriend (who will become the other "you") and i just decided to talk to her. we all three ended up sitting outside for 4 hours talking and
i loved it. we were all of a sudden part of eachothers everyday life again.
we started talking all the time and spending all of our time together. for spring break we all three went
camping and got drunk. haha we fell in a hole while trying to walk to the bathroom.
it was snowing and we were in gatlinburg in a tent. it was so much fun.
we drank a lot and then on valentines day we quit talking again. i missed them like crazy.
i cried all the time and had dreams about them every single night.
exactly a year later she texted me
and said she missed me so we started hanging out again and once again became a part of eachothers everyday life. it was fun. it only lasted for 4 months and the only reason were off again is because someone lied. i miss them, again.
she will always be a part of me though, so will he.
i will always be willing to jump and forget all of the "drama" to be on again.
this time though, im not so sure there will be another on
i miss them but i dont think that i am missed.
i would like to think that i am, but only God knows.
hmm...
Lately
so lately things have been different for me. kind of weird..
on august 2nd i started working at pacsun again. the first time i worked there i got some bad news,
and now this time i got bad news while working twice (the next two paragraphs). kinda weird.
on august 4th a friend from school passed away.
we had just graduated, life was supposed to be beginning, instead, his ended.
it doesnt seem fair, but i know there is a reason for everything.
on august 6th, i was blatantly dumped..
my boyfriend and i were doing great, or so i thought
and all of a sudden things were different.
he texted me and told me that he was going back to his ex.
someone told me that it was planned like a month before he actually did it though
so that sucks but i am better off without him. i did love him though..
he also cheated on me with someone really close to us.
but like i said i am much better off without him.
on the 7th and 8th i did some really irresponsible things in response to being dumped and lied to.
i didnt cry much at all. only two times and for like a minute each time.
i didnt eat or sleep for about 5 days though.
i was insane by the time i was actually able to sleep.
on august 20th i got an awesome tattoo
it looks awesome.
people stop me and talk to me about it all the time which is cool.
it draws a lot of attention, both positive and negative. ha
i have met some really interesting people because of it.
august 21st i rode around with an old friend and some of his friends. we had a good time. his friend is like the cutest guy ever.
august 23rd i found out that my papaw has skin cancer, but its going to be taken care of.
its in God's hands.. like everything else. :)
august 24th me and a good friend decided to go see a movie at like 10. we went to see the other guys.
it wasnt very funny. but we had a fun night.
august 27th i went to the football game and left to see a friend that i hadnt seen in a while. it was good to see him! i missed him. :) he had another guy with him and it was cool to talk to him. i think hes cute too, haha.
august 30th a freind came over and talked to me cause i was a little down.
he left at like 6 in the morning. it was cool.
september 1st me and one of my friends were laying in my room and decided to go get my ear pierced
so we went to walmart, then decided to go to pacsun at like 830. we left and went to the sevierville walmart and got my cartilage pierced and then went to eat at ccs. ohh, we also went to gatlinburg and walked around for a bit and went to the motion theater. it was fun. haha we pissed a russian off.
ive been working a lot and enjoying my life, but its hard when i always
have a sad undertone because i miss my ex. ive been hangin out with a guy since his friend passed away on
the 4th and we got pretty close but i guess now he doesnt want to have anything to do with me. like he doesnt need me anymore so hes done with me. kinda sucks but i didnt like him the way that he liked me anyway. oh well... something kinda weird has been going on at home too. its not a bad weird, its just weird and new but oh well i wouldnt change the relationship for the world.
anyway, thanks for reading..
on august 2nd i started working at pacsun again. the first time i worked there i got some bad news,
and now this time i got bad news while working twice (the next two paragraphs). kinda weird.
on august 4th a friend from school passed away.
we had just graduated, life was supposed to be beginning, instead, his ended.
it doesnt seem fair, but i know there is a reason for everything.
on august 6th, i was blatantly dumped..
my boyfriend and i were doing great, or so i thought
and all of a sudden things were different.
he texted me and told me that he was going back to his ex.
someone told me that it was planned like a month before he actually did it though
so that sucks but i am better off without him. i did love him though..
he also cheated on me with someone really close to us.
but like i said i am much better off without him.
on the 7th and 8th i did some really irresponsible things in response to being dumped and lied to.
i didnt cry much at all. only two times and for like a minute each time.
i didnt eat or sleep for about 5 days though.
i was insane by the time i was actually able to sleep.
on august 20th i got an awesome tattoo
it looks awesome.
people stop me and talk to me about it all the time which is cool.
it draws a lot of attention, both positive and negative. ha
i have met some really interesting people because of it.
august 21st i rode around with an old friend and some of his friends. we had a good time. his friend is like the cutest guy ever.
august 23rd i found out that my papaw has skin cancer, but its going to be taken care of.
its in God's hands.. like everything else. :)
august 24th me and a good friend decided to go see a movie at like 10. we went to see the other guys.
it wasnt very funny. but we had a fun night.
august 27th i went to the football game and left to see a friend that i hadnt seen in a while. it was good to see him! i missed him. :) he had another guy with him and it was cool to talk to him. i think hes cute too, haha.
august 30th a freind came over and talked to me cause i was a little down.
he left at like 6 in the morning. it was cool.
september 1st me and one of my friends were laying in my room and decided to go get my ear pierced
so we went to walmart, then decided to go to pacsun at like 830. we left and went to the sevierville walmart and got my cartilage pierced and then went to eat at ccs. ohh, we also went to gatlinburg and walked around for a bit and went to the motion theater. it was fun. haha we pissed a russian off.
ive been working a lot and enjoying my life, but its hard when i always
have a sad undertone because i miss my ex. ive been hangin out with a guy since his friend passed away on
the 4th and we got pretty close but i guess now he doesnt want to have anything to do with me. like he doesnt need me anymore so hes done with me. kinda sucks but i didnt like him the way that he liked me anyway. oh well... something kinda weird has been going on at home too. its not a bad weird, its just weird and new but oh well i wouldnt change the relationship for the world.
anyway, thanks for reading..
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